It has been over 3 months without an ounce of alcohol in my system. I actually decided after labor day long weekend to also remove coffee and toxic people from my realm. I have never felt stronger and more in control of my life then I do today.
Single in Vancouver was a foreign concept to me, single in life was a foreign concept to me. I didn’t really know how to live my life being alone, since I never had lived or been alone. I didn’t understand how I deserved to be treated, not just from the opposed sex but also from friends.
Being an optimist and always trying to see the best in each person caused me to be simple minded….and to be frank, I didn’t realize how shitty human beings could actually be.
I guess being “sheltered” and in a relationship caused me to be naive.
In Summer 16 I must have I consumed more alcohol than I had in the last 3 summers combined. In my early 20s raves, music fests, clubbing was what I lived for, but as I grew up I slowly escaped from that scene and put that energy into my business and training. My number one coping mechanism is always exercise…its my medicine, my therapy, my stress release…my power.
Due to a medical condition I wasn’t able to exercise for 4 whole weeks in July. Yes… that felt like an eternity to me, almost like a death sentence. I started to feel depressed. Exercising, lifting, sweating, has been ingrained in me for years. When you are told you CAN”T you feel like a part of yourself is stripped away.
So as sad as it is to say, alcohol became my outlet. Summer days went into summer nights, with wine on a patio and vodka sodas at the club. Summer for me was all about having FUN. I felt like I had taken a time machine back to when I was 21. I wasn’t just going out once a week I was making sure I had something social scheduled from Thursday to Sunday. I would get major FOMO (fear of missing out) if I were to stay in and didn’t have plans to venture out.
If anyone knows me, I have an extreme personality which can be a double edged sword. When I commit to a goal I let that goal own me, I live it, breathe it, and put 100 percent into the goal. In the summer my goal was being a social butterfly and living it up. I lived for the weekends and would count down the days until it was time to hit up the town.
Waking up hungover is never fun. Especially at times when you try to piece your night together.
I got to the point where I felt lost. I didn’t recognized the person in the mirror anymore. I was using alcohol as a crutch to numb the pain of my medical condition and loss of a relationship. I was also using it to feel happy when I was out, but them EMO (emotional) feelings would arise the next day. It was the same vicious cycle that caused me to feel lost and insecure. When I decided I was tired of feeling like this I made my game plan to quit drinking in September and never looked back.
What I learned through this process?
1). First off going out to the club sober is not very fun! People are too drunk and repeat themselves like crazy. I would much rather stay home and watch a movie then go to a night club sober…its just weird vibes. I mean I could stay there for a few hours and dance but after midnight people get sloppy and kind of annoying!
2). When I decide to start drinking again it will be in moderation. I am feeling so good that I may do 6 months sober, but who knows…my goal was 3 months and I accomplished that 🙂 It would be nice to have the option of having a glass of wine while out with friends. I don’t think I will ever revert back to my summer 16 ways. That was the most fun filled summer I have had in years but I feel as if it took a toll on my physical and emotional health. I don’t believe I could be a person who NEVER drank alcohol ever again, as I like a glass of wine with dinner, and girls nights out are mandatory for the soul. Alcohol can be a good stress release as long as you don’t abuse it…we all need to release tension. But reflecting and understanding I don’t need alcohol to have fun and be social, I am already a Chatty Kathy as is.
3). When I reflected on who I was in the summer, I knew I wasn’t living my life to its full potential. I also knew deep down my soul was sad. I decided to put that energy into learning new ways to train ,which lead me to calisthenics. Calisthenics is an empowering and fun way to train. It is my new obsession. Being able lift, balance, and move my body in all different ways gets me excited each day. Seeing my deadlift, squat, and bench go up in weight each week is also pretty badass LOL. I am nervous and excited that I will be competing in my first powerlifting competition in February 2017. I LOVE training as its measurable. You can see yourself improve each week, so these small micro goals give you something to celebrate and work towards.
4). Anything in YOUR LIFE you don’t like, you have the power to change. Sometimes we feel as if we trapped in a career, certain relationships, or difficult periods in our lives. As humans we often look at the negative and get caught up in it. We self destruct whether it be alcohol, drugs, food, whatever your poison may be, have the courage to take a step back and reevaluate.
Are YOU truly happy with the life you are living?
Is this the best version of you?
Do you wake up each day feeling happy?
Of course not everyday is going to be peachy keen, but are you happy majority of the time? If the answer is NO to any of these questions, understand something needs to change in your life.
I am always here to help. Although I physically train and coach people with their nutrition, many more layers are revealed when I work with clients one on one. Permanent Lifestyles changes are when true healing blossoms. Not quick fixes. Nourishing the mind, body and honoring the spirit.
I am human, I fell down and hit a few hard bumps along the way. But I was able to pull myself up from the pain and sadness I experienced, which only makes me stronger. Sometimes pe0ple think because I am in the health/fitness industry that I don’t struggle with body image, training, food etc. I am a female, not a robot the struggle is real at times. I hope by reading this I showed a vulnerable side that may be relatable to some. And that I was able to shed some light on how everyone has there own issues and internals battles. Keep fighting each day, and do more of what make YOU HAPPY 🙂